Saturday, November 11, 2006


As in: a Puppy Update. Also as in: a date with The Puppy.

I won't give you the play by play, because the gestalt is more important. Let's try bullet points!

-Things are amicably over with The Girlfriend, who has now skipped town for some recuperation.

-There was a long middle-of-the-night walk complete with the loaning of the leather jacket (him to me) and deep conversations about love and art. I am both pleased and unsettled to discover that I'm really intrigued by him as a person, not just as a pretty, pretty sex prospect.

-We made out forever up against my car in the middle of the street at 3AM. He tasted delicious, somewhere between sweet and savory. Like a buttermilk pancake. (Also, who knew how sexy lower-lip piercings could be?)

-I worked an 11 hour day yesterday on 4 hours' sleep and grinned through the whole thing.

BUT ALSO (and these are the things I find it hard to admit in print):

-He would not make a move. We were hanging out up in his room, for god's sake, talking and talking and it was fab but at like 2AM I finally had to ask him if he was ever going to kiss me. Which he did a few minutes later, after he got over being totally freaked out that I asked, and it was excellent, but then he abruptly stopped just before things really heated up.

Let me be clear: the chemistry between us is serious enough that total strangers can smell it and say something about it. Our mutual friend also assures me that he is seriously into me. And yet we didn't even get to second base, unless you count his hand brushing against my breast once, so lightly it could have been an accident (not that I didn't enjoy it, believe me). I'm dying to sleep with him, and I'm so completely confused by this behavior. I'm not used to being with anyone who's not trying to get as far into my pants as they can. I can't figure out what it's all about. Is he really that scared of me? Is that just how he rolls, he takes things slow? Is he not as into me as I thought? Is he waaay too into me and wants to wait until it's "special"? Is there something else entirely I haven't thought of? I don't really want to ask him about it point blank because I don't want to have some huge processing conversation after like our first date. But I'm also kinda reluctant to make any more aggressive moves myself, since a) I feel like I'm being perfectly plain about my availability to him, b) I don't want to freak him out more if he's already intimidated and c) I don't know where he's at with his body and how he likes people to relate to it sexually and I haven't figured out how to ask him about that, either, since he blushes and clams up when I just ask him if he wants to kiss me.

Where is the Puppy Whisperer when you need hir?

-Also, I find myself worrying more than I like about what he'd think of the more thirtysomething, square-ish parts of my life if/when he discovered them. Basically, I'm afraid when he finds out what I'm really like most of the time he won't like me nearly as much. And I'm having to be vigilant not to change or hide those things about me I think he'll judge. I suppose this happens every time I find myself this crushed on someone, but somehow it feels particularly dangerous given this is someone I'm old enough to have babysat. I guess it also plays into my fears about aging and becoming less desirable.

-He said he'd call me. When will he call me? Will he at least text me? Have I become 13 again, really?

So, there you have it. I suppose I'm not at the moment really living up to the premise of this blog, so I apologize. But I'm not really very sorry. Nonetheless, to stay on topic, I promise to post soon about going back into the closet, in reverse. Which I have had to actually do recently and have much to say about.

Smart, adult, non-infatuated things to say. I swear.


The Mitten said...

Puppy-crushes turn one into a 13 year old automatically.

Don't know a Puppy Whisperer. But shout my way if you way a Kitty Whisperer! I know a great one. =)

ruby said...

i vote for explanations related to point c above. he's young and i'm betting the only person he was significantly sexual with in his boi identity was the girlfriend, so this is all likely new and possibly overwhelming to him. and then there's the thing about how you are the hot older woman. intimidating! dare i say, a bit too much for his young self to take in all at once (so to speak).

that covers the sexual side. the not calling or otherwise being evasive is more troubling, and i think it will serve you well to make very very clear what level of call-backs etc you need in order not to feel bummed and insecure a lot of the time.

i await the unfolding saga...

Anonymous said...

whattup with folks not making moves on/towards sexy confident smart independant hot women?

aaaaaargh have this difficulty as

Anonymous said...

susannah said...

Some of us are just too shy... You might really have to take the lead the first few times.