Readers. I made a right mess of everything.
Here's the short version: last weekend The Australian was into me but also a self-centered prick, The Puppy was lovely and slightly elusive, as usual, and The Longshot and I had the most amazing four hour phone conversation -- the first time we'd ever spoken directly to each other.
The next day I freaked out a little. The day after that, I realized I really, really am falling for The Longshot, distance be damned. The day after that, I told him so, and asked him to meet me in our halfway point this weekend, sane mid-March plans be damned. The day after that, he dumped me for The Teacher, because she's, y'know, in his area code.
That was yesterday. Last night I took the high road by going out and getting completely smashed drunk on tequila and finally sleeping with The Puppy (!).
Now I am massively hung over and have had under three hours sleep. I have to get my ass up so I can get to a work-related meeting and then plow through a day at my place of employ.
And then it will be the gaping, unstructured weekend. The weekend I only a day ago had hoped I'd be spending with the truly spectacular Longshot, a person so awesome, so extraordinary, so insanely well-matched to me on so many levels, that just knowing he exists has blown the curve for anyone I may date from here on out. And I can't even blame him for making a sane decision on his own behalf and communicating it to me in the most sensitive way possible.
Fucker.
So, readers, I turn to you. I don't even know how I fell this hard this fast, but I guess I did. I've been handed back my heart and I now have no idea what to do with it. And so, this Friday List is dedicated to any and all suggestions on what to do with this fragile, raw, open, wounded, still-pumping muscle.
Besides tequila and The Puppy, because clearly I've got that one covered.
Friday, February 16, 2007
How Do You Mend A Broken Heart? (The Friday List)
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28 comments:
Eat chocolate and buy some shoes. That's what I would do.
I wish I could just give you a great big ol' hug and tell you it'll get better! And there are plenty of people around here who really honestly care. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Indulge yourself (in something other than tequila :> ). Once, when I got dumped and felt lower than an ant's transmission, I started volunteering at an animal shelter. It felt good to get kisses & bonks for absolutely no reason other than just being me.
All the usual platitudes ("if it wasn't meant to be it just wasn't meant to be"; "set something free blah blah blah") never make me feel any better. Throwing myself into something distracting and high energy usually did.
I had the experience of meeting a blow-the-curve woman a couple of years back. Wouldn't have missed it, even though she was a lot less interested than the Longshot... the crying-jag aftermath was not pleasant, though.
And absolutely nothing helped except time, sorry. Oh, and a year after the last time I saw her, I suddenly began crying again, so you might want to keep an eye out for that.
oh MAN! I'm so sorry to hear that, I was rooting for you. Sometimes it helps me to just wallow in my misery a bit and listen to angsty music while making a collage or watch crappy television. Remember that you'll get through it, because you're YOU and that never changes.
hugs from me.
helloooooooo! details about the PuppySHAG, por favor. indulge us in that spicy merriment so as to distract from the Longshot (who is clearly a bozo if he chose this local lass over phenomenal albetit longdistance You!)...
something else to help ya get over the Longshot: focus in on the future prospects. you got any other setups coming down the pike? other online dating adventures? blind dates? speeddating? oooh yea---pick a friend and go to speeddating together and Report Back! that's an assignment. for real.
don't forget to breathe.
feel your feelings.
listen to your body. craving chocolate? eat some! feeling antsy? go to the gym! exhausted? crawl into bed for a nap (grief is very tiring).
spend lots of time doing mellow things (watching movies, soaking in hot tubs) with close friends who won't be freaked out if you burst into tears all of a sudden.
the above advice is brought to you by my divorce.
My prescription? Ani Di Franco's "Untouchable Face" on continual loop. Did wonders for me in a similar situation.
That makes me sad, Ladyred! I know you'll bounce back, but you have my sympathy... I've been there. I suggest alcohol and comfort foods, but only in moderation, cut liberally with fresh air and exercise to get out that frustration. *petpet*
I second what ruby said: Feel your feelings. Just go with it. I like to exhaust myself with tears and then sleep. If the tears won't come but I really want them to, here's the three songs that will do it every time, all brought to you by Indigo Girls: "Hope Alone," "Come On Home," and "Ghost."
(thank my divorce for this advice as well).
since we're into song recommendations now:
eyes like sparks by grandpa boy (aka paul westerberg)
why can't i by liz phair (yes, it's from the bad album, don't make fun)
all of l.p.'s exile in guyville
splendid isolation by warren zevon (also brilliantly covered by my imaginary boyfriend pete yorn)
Aw. Y'all are so awesome. I'm going put all of the songs together in a playlist, get some good chocolate and other yummy (but not junk) food, and go home and watch TiVo or Netflix, both of which await. And then see what comes, feelings-wise. I had a really serious ugly-cry yesterday when the news first arrived (thanks, M., for sitting with me through that), and I don't suspect it will be the last.
I'm right now listening to Do You Realize? by the Flaming Lips over and over -- it's one of The Longshot's favorites. Which only makes me like him more.
And, as luck would have it, I need to shop for some shoes this weekend. So, there's that.
I'm still living with my curve-blowing guy as friends and roommates. I'm a masochist, I suppose. I would not recommend it. It's a constant reminder of how slim a chance I have of ever meeting anyone that compares. So, although Longshot is wonderfully amazing, try to avoid becoming his bestfriend and keeping him in your life forever and always...it'll be much easier if there's emotional distance as well as physical distance.
The only thing that worked for me was time. Get up in the morning, have a shower, go about your life as if you believe there's still someone else out there. Be open to knew relationships. Try not to measure people against the one that got away, just accept future romantic possibilities as "different, but not necessarily better or worse"
And I repeat, do NOT become bestfriends and live with them...it's one thing to have your heart handed back to you, it's another thing to watch the person you gave it to date other people and tell you all their favorite sex positions they've tried with other girls.
If it were me, I'd watch a bunch of movies with actors I crush on, and knit.
Finishing a craft project will help nearly any mood.
I hope you feel much better soon.
Ah, anonymous! I, too, lived with a guy who handed my heart back to me. We'd had a short romance and then became best friends. I had pretty much fallen in love with him by then, and he knew it ('cause I confessed it in a letter...twice). We ended up in a platonic domestic partnership, with the daily phone calls about are you home for dinner tonight, will you pick up some tofu on your way home, etc. And and I tortured myself with his terrible taste in women. He used to tell me how much he loved me, that I was his favorite person in the world, etc.--and then I would have to look at the women he *was* dating and think, "Her!? Not me, but...her!?"
Awful. Really awful. Destroyed my self-confidence for a good, long time.
I'm a new reader and am just learning about your dating adventures. I'm so sorry this happened. The song suggestions above were fabulous. I hope you did something good for yourself today -- a warm bath, a hot cup of tea, a meditation, even lighting a candle and mourning this loss. Embrace your feelings and don't feel bad about them. When you're through the real tough spot, exercise always helps me -- a long walk, especially combined with a breathing meditation, can do wonders to clear your head and help you see a new path.
--"He used to tell me how much he loved me, that I was his favorite person in the world, etc.--and then I would have to look at the women he *was* dating and think, "Her!? Not me, but...her!?"
yup, pretty much exactly the boat I'm in. To top it off, the last girl he was in love with abused him.
Luckily, I can blame it on his sexual orientation a little. It's not that he doesn't want me, it's that he's actually gay (not bi, as he claims) and only dates ugly women who look like men.
It may not be true, but it softens the blow...
There's a tip for mending a broken heart! Good old fashioned lying, it's not that he doesn't want you, it's just that he's completely crazy and an idiot. Mind you, an idiot who happens to be better than anyone you've ever met before, but an idiot nonetheless.
I second the idea of a walk followed by a meditation. Add an affirmation about what an incredible person you are and how you're bringing all these incredible learning opportunities to yourself and taking them on one by one, learning your lessons while you go. I'm impressed. It's possible that The Longshot was actually a lesson on what to add to your list of "must haves" for your next romantic partner.
Dearest ladyred,
Here's hoping you made it through the weekend, had yourself some good chow, a good cry, and ended up with a fabulous pair of shoes!
wallow, wallow and wallow some more. From there on out you only have time. It does stop hurting. But if you try to speed it up you find out that you never healed at all.
browsing the online personals ALWAYS makes me feel better. it's like a catalog of potential sweethearts and hot dates. oh yea. makes a grrrl remember that the hotties abound and are ready, waiting, and willing to entertain rad quirky you! (seriously, go online and give us some online dating love, yo!)
funny, i sometimes go to online dating sites when i'm feeling crappy about my love life, and it usually makes me feel worse. more people who are going to disappoint or reject me. i am only cheered up by online dating when i am already feeling pretty good.
Here's hoping we hear back from you again soon, ladyred. In the meantime may I suggest a modified version of anonymous' suggestion, filtered through ruby's quite accurate observation: read "Missed Connections". Craigslist, your favorite rag, ANYWHERE. There is nothing that will cheer you up more than reading the often silly & pathetic ads in Missed Connections.
All the best,
Roderick
ah, missed connections. favorite of obsessive romatics everywhere. great suggestion, roderick. seeing people's hopes and dreams and fleeting attractions on display like that...there's nothing quite like it for bittersweet comfort.
I just found your blog a few weeks ago, and proceeded to read all the back entries. I hope you haven't stopped blogging.
I have a son who's gay and a daughter who I sometimes wish were gay, just because it seems easier to find a woman who wants a serious relationship than a man, at least at her age. (I think she's about your age.)She's beautiful and a doctor, too, both of which don't help I think!
Anyway, you're a terrific writer and your stories, hard as they are for you sometimes, make me feel better. So don't stop!
Ya, please don't stop, Ladyred!! I feel a delightful sense of anticipation as I wonder what happens next with you. Emotionally, physically, I love it that you share your changes with us and give us the opportunity to relate to you. XOXO - Jennifer
Please don't stop posting! I check your blog every morning to see if anything new is up. If you're still mending your broken heart I understand. It takes time. We're all here for you. I hope you feel better soon and continue to share your dating adventures with us!
Maybe she found a girlfriend? It's ok LadyRed, we're not gonna judge you!
please come back! I miss your blog.
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