Wednesday, December 20, 2006


First off: welcome feministing readers! I'm so thrilled you're here!

I noted that the subject of my blog has sparked a conversation on feministing about the nature of queer identity. I'm not a theory expert, but I did want to explain what I mean when I personally identify as queer.

Basically, the undeniable fact is I'm not straight. While it's true I am attracted to men, I'm also attracted to people of other genders. And you'll probably notice from that last sentence that I don't believe in the gender binary. So the term "bisexual" is totally inadequate to describe my sexual attractions -- not only am I hot for people of more than two genders, I've slept with people of more than two genders and had meaningful relationships with them, too.

That's why I've embraced "queer." Queer means I live outside the heterosexual norm, and the gender binary as well. It also means I'm pretty odd, which is true. Queer also allows me to align myself with lots of other folks who live outside of those little boxes, whether or not their sexual identity is exactly like mine.

Personally, I also enjoy the term "flexisexual." Which I invented, but I invite you to use if you feel it fits...


K. said... that.

My friend Rebecca once made the comment that she is a "Rebasexual," makes me wish I had a better name for alliding.

Anyway, got here through Feministing - just wanted to say hello.

Anonymous said...

Yep, I identify myself as "Indisexual" It's about the individual not their gender. Glad to know I'm not alone.

Gina said...

As a queer woman who is currently partnered with a man, I welcome "flexisexual" whole-heartedly into my vocabulary. I HATE the word bisexual to describe myself because I also don't buy into the gender binary thing. And, when I tell people I am queer and then introduce them to my partner, they look at me like I am crazy and I end up having to explain myself, queer theory, my sexual past, etc...It can be frustrating to visually represent heternormativity but be so NOT straight. I love the idea of using the term "flexisexual" because it seems so self explanatory, it actually feels comfortable to say out loud. Props to you for thinking that one up--it's got some serious potential :)

FAA said...

Ladyred - love the blog. I feel I must give credit to the fine proprietors of Vegan Porn for coining "flexisexual" back in '04:

Your definition is definitely the best, though, and only now will it earn a place in my vocabulary.

Karyn said...

I just got directed here through Feministing, as well. You are Spot on girl! I read the rest of what you had to say and I'm now wondering if you aren't my doppelganger. I've been known to sleep walk in my life but I don't know when I started sleep blogging! Even the men, and the way you've been meeting them, are so unbelievably similar it's creepy. Your profile, down to the year you kissed the girl and the many gendered relationships... same age range....same recent end to a 4 year relationship. Just wild! At any rate it's been fun reading all the things I've been writing in my own paper journal lately, because you say it better. Your composition is smoother and your words are prettier. I'll be back, to find out more about my parallel universe. Thanks for putting us out there! BTW, the "indisexual" comment was mine.

Emily said...

thanks so much for this post. i am going to point people to whenever they try to label me as bi!

i have a good friend that goes to wesleyan in connecticut and they use the term "flexual" for people who don't really fit.

i love your blog, you are giving me hope for my dating future.

katieryn said...

I realize that this is a spontanious response from a stranger on a rather old blog entry, but I just wanted to thank you for this. I've always been decidedly fluid with who I fall for, with body parts being an entirely seperate part of the equation, to be dealt with after I fall for someone. Thank you for finally having a more accurate word to describe myself with!

Thank you again!