Saturday, October 14, 2006

Condom Question

So, I've been thinking about something the Man/Child said to me after sex. He said he was glad I'd had condoms, since he hadn't brought any (bless his misguided honesty, really). I was pretty shocked. I'd been flirting with him mighty heavily and invited him up to my place as part of the date -- didn't he have some inkling he might get laid? He told me sure, he'd hoped so, but he didn't want to seem like he'd made any assumptions.

Now, here's the thing that's been bugging me -- how the hell would I know if he had a condom on him if we didn't do the deed? Is this something guys do for real? Or is it just a cover for the real hope that we'd find ourselves lacking a rubber and I'd just be like, oh, let's do it anyway! Do people really still have unprotected sex with people they hardly know?

He didn't complain when I handed him a condom, exactly, but he did let me know at a later point that he was having a harder time coming because he "wasn't used to" the condom. I took that at the time to mean nothing more than he hadn't had sex in a long time, which he had already told me directly. But it stands out to me that neither of the guys I've slept with so far even broached the idea of a condom until I whipped one out. Could be I'm overeager. Or could it be that men are, actually, pigs?


ruby said...

I definitely think it's weird when guys talk about not being used to condoms, hating them, etc. Hey--we *all* hate them, condoms are annoying to men and women both, but that doesn't chnage the fact that they are a necessity.

That said, it doesn't happen very often--most guys I am with just accept that they are a fact of life; it's not much of a topic for discussion.

I see your point about how you wouldn't know if the Man/Child had brought condoms unless you actually used onen with him--so his comment does seem a little strange. That said, I have sometimes not brough condoms with me (say, on a trip when I think I might get laid but don't know for sure) becuase a) I might jinx it and b) unpacking those unused condoms never fails to make me feel bad about myself.

Not an excuse, just a statement.

ladygreen said...

okay, just surveyed 3 straightgirls and all said this dude-behaviour is completely typical at a wide swath of ages (17-34). um wow. curious what happens in the gayboy world with two dudes. surely AIDS epidemic lessons create wiser safer sex?.

among females sleeping with females (my domain) embarrassingly enough usually we just say "you been tested?" "yup" "yup me, too" or "you ever have an STD?" "no." "no me either" then get

figleaf said...

I think times are probably changing, but at least when I was coming up through the system you were considered a bit of a presumptuous bastard if you brought condoms along on a date.

I'm guessing that's an at-least-slightly bigger reason than just the guy hoping you'll agree to go without.

The solution back in the day, by the way, was that once you agreed you were going to have sex you'd go on the pilgrimage together to buy them.


baby221 said...

Interestingly enough, my brother and I had a conversation strikingly similar to this one over the summer. He's got a girlfriend and, being the concerned older sister I am, I wanted to know whether they were having sex and if so, whether they were using protection (and if not, whether I'd have to shell out for condoms).

He said that they weren't having sex, but that he wasn't sure whether he should carry condoms "just in case," which is what I had been advocating. "I don't want her to see them and think that I'm going to pressure her or something," he said. "Won't that make me look like a douche? What if she thinks that's all I'm after?"

Which made me stop and think because, honestly, it's not something I had previously considered. To my way of thinking, having condoms on hand was just a way to be prepared -- and it was certainly better than being horny and without them! I'd considered it pre-emptive and polite, but when he voiced his concerns I had to admit that they made sense, too.

At which point I began sternly advocating that they talk about it and come up with a solution together, which they did, and now they both carry them.

As for myself -- I'll still carry them and think better of those who do. But thanks to my brother's insights I'll stop looking down my nose at those who don't :p