Sunday, January 14, 2007

Can I Just Admit This To You?

So, The Charmer and I texted some on Friday (nicely flirty & friendly) and the sitch at the mo is that he's away visiting friends this weekend and will call when he gets back. Which has left the weekend for the post-date glow to wear off and all my insecurities to kick in.

Which is why I was lying in bed this morning wondering what this smart gorgeous worldly sophisticated guy is doing with short chubby awkward pedestrian dilettante me? What will be the detail he discovers that finally horrifies him? That I know more about American Idol than I do about [fill-in-the-blank canonical author]? That I'm kinda a slob? That the weight I'm at right now is the low end of my range? That my passport has expired? That I like to spend a lot of time alone? That I really am too radical a feminist for him? That I'm a total amateur in the ways of the penis?

Or does he already suspect all these things and is just using me until he gets bored b/c he thinks I'm an easy target?


ruby said...

oh, ladyred. of course it's totally natural for you to be thinking all these things. however, those of us with a less emotional perspective on the situation can tell you that the reasons he's interested in you are (in no particular order) that you are smart, hot, witty, good to your friends, and did i mention hot, witty, and smart?

you will doubtless discover some things about him that are less than dashing, and that will likely be ok with you as long as the good parts he has shown you so far are not a total illusion--and some of the things that he probably expects you to not like (a potential dorkiness, for instance) will actually delight you. and he will have the same understanding of you (and maybe even the same delight) when he discovers the parts that you are assuming (without rational reason, mind you) are going to disappoint him.

greenyQ said...

don't start reading "he's just not that into you" yet*. if this "smart gorgeous worldly sophisticated guy" really wanted a tall skinny smooth global fashionista (drawn from your phrasiology) he would have one. he would have one. he. would. have. one. already. right now. really: or three or four.

but, instead, he was drawn to remarkable, radiant, stompy, hot, fiercely intelligent, fabulously unique exactly you.

in fact, the best thing about dating "smart gorgeous worldly sophisticated guy[s]" is that since they are so "Perfect" they doubtlessly could draw in a hollywoodtype airbrain bubblepersona or any type or sophisticated modelcoolgirl. and when they don't, it's not cuz they Couldn't. It's cuz they want SOMETHING a hot unique feminist blogger sending us postcards from guyville. ;)

(*i suggest, instead, "if the buddha dated" which revolutionized dating for my circle of feminist queers on any random vaguely zen-friendly path, plus my 60+ mom and her kinda regular Boomer friends dating for the first time in 40 years. go figure.)

ladyred said...

Thanks, ladies. I'm feeling saner today. I just sometimes succumb to the Groucho Marxian feeling of not wanting to belong to any club that would have me as a member.

It's totally ridiculous, of course, to imagine he's using me as an easy target -- I'm actually a complete pain in the ass to date, what with all my strong opinions and clear boundaries and directly expressed needs. Besides, what can he be "using" me for if I consent? I'm not going to do anything with him, sexually or otherwise, that I don't want to do for my own purposes.

I think all this means is that I actually kinda like him, and that leaves me feeling vulnerable. It's no accident that I've also been remembering sweeter moments from the date, which originally got overshadowed by all the splash and seduction.

In other news, I'm glad to learn that I look hot in this blog!