Tuesday, January 09, 2007

If You Love a Puppy, Set Him Free

That's probably very bad advice if you have a pet. But I think it's the right thing to do with my pretty young trannypunk.

As if the month of silence weren't enough (which: it wasn't, since I recently learned that The (Ex)Girlfriend isn't moving out until the 15th, inspiring new hope that he might still get in touch when she finally does amscray), he recently posted an entry to his livejournal about how he's realized that casual sex makes him feel like the person just thinks of him as a sex object. Considering that I basically offered him no-strings-attached-sex on a platter, well... ouch.

So I wrote him an email. Which went thusly:

Read your post. I'm not narcissistic enough to think it was actually about me in any way, but it did make me think, shit, did I make him feel like that too? So I thought I'd just take a minute to tell you that as much as I did try very hard (in my pathetic way) to seduce you, I figured out early on that you're more than a pretty boy I sometimes can't avoid.

Actually, the fact that you're smart and talented and radical and a little crazy and surprising and sweet and thoughtful and actually kinda grounded and self-aware for someone whose life is as chaotic and confusing as yours, is all part of why I made my pathetic attempts to seduce you in the first place. If all it took was pretty to get my panties damp I'd be having a lot more sex than I am. A lot. (Seriously. You might be surprised at how much sex I'm not having.)

Which is all to say, I very genuinely like you, as a person, even if you suddenly had a hot-ectomy or whatever. And I want good things to happen for you. And I'm glad you're getting some time to slow down and think about shit. And I hope you do whatever you need for your own self. And I've got no agenda in writing this, btw. I'm no longer trying to get in your pants. (Which isn't to say I wouldn't still welcome an invitation to your pants, but I get that I'm not going to get one anytime in the predictable future.) Just wanted you to know.

Not Shakespeare, but I feel much lighter. Like I can now just bookend the whole experience and file it under "Ones That Got Away (Subcategory: Bad Timing)" Which isn't to say that I'm not nursing a tiny hope that the email itself will inspire him to call me up and rekindle things. I'm not superwoman. I'm just no longer giving that more than a 5% chance of happening.

Meanwhile: date with The Charmer tomorrow night! Wish me luck...


Arbitrista (formerly Publius) said...


Roy said...

Best of luck on the date.

What a fantastic e-mail, btw. If I were a pretty young trannypunk receiving an e-mail like that, I'd be feeling like pretty hot shit right about now, I should think.

Also, I love "If all it took was pretty to get my panties damp I'd be having a lot more sex than I am. A lot. (Seriously. You might be surprised at how much sex I'm not having.)"

ladyred said...

Thanks! Y'know often when I write that kind of email I go back and read it in the light of day and it makes me cringe b/c it's just too... well. "TOO." Which is a subject I'm working up to writing about. But I reread this one this morning and I don't think I'd take much if any of it back. Except that part about how much sex I'm not having, which I meant to mean that I'm not having much sex, but might be read as "you wouldn't believe the number of people I'm turning down." Which is an ass thing to say, in addition to being laughably false.

Anonymous said...

I really liked the email, and I'm glad you're not cringing about it today. I don't think you have any reason to.

What I particularly appreciated was your frank admission that part of you hopes that what your very honest, I'm-a-big-girl-now-and-letting-you-go letter does is precisely the opposite. I have written that letter myself, but couldn't fully bring myself to admit that I hoped my heartfelt goodbye letter would bring him right to me. Of course it didn't. Which is probably just as well. *sigh*

Roy said...

You know, the thing is, I have a lot of friends who are too "too..." It's really hard to come by that kind of frank honesty, I think. I really appreciate it.
I read the line more in the former way than the later, but I can see how it might be read that way. I like it anyway. From now on, I'm going to think of it as all the sex I'm not having, instead of how I'm not having any sex.

And, yeah, anon, I've had those moments too. Well, not so much in a I'm-a-big-girl kind of way, but in the I'm-saying-goodbye-but-what-I-really-mean-is-please-don't-go/come-back kind of way.

greenyQ said...

closing the puppy door before opening the charmer one, eh? oooh liking this in terms of my current view of the Energy in the Dating Universe which recommends putting 100% positive energy in one direction (ah the law of attraction)...whereas sometimes i'm in the school a la "The Girls Guide to Everything" which recommends balancing more than one hottie-suitor and keeping many spicy dating options on the back burner (or front!) at once...in general (not just here) for which do you advocate? were you thinking about this when you bid adieu puppyward? or was the situation just driving you mad?

ruby said...

congrats to you for the very mature (and good for you, i am convinced) decision to let the puppy love go--and for the excellently communicative way you did it.

can't wait to read all about the date with the charmer.

ladyred said...

greenyq, I don't really subscribe to either of those philosophies, as much as I try to follow my gut with each person. So, while knowing I had a date with The Charmer made it easier to write The Puppy, just from an ego perspective (knowing you have other viable options always helps soften the blow), it was more that I was accepting what was true about me & The Puppy and less that I was deciding anything about him for any logical or strategic reason.

As for dating one at a time or multiples, I should be so lucky as to have to discover what I prefer. Hasn't happened yet.

Karen said...

ladyred, i think it's totally normal and not to be ashamed of that you are hoping the puppy will come back to you in some way. if he does and the ex is out of the way, then i can't wait to read about it. if he doesn't (which, from reading your blog and creating in my head the person i imagine you to be, i don't think is likely) then you've already begun to untangle your feelings about saying good-bye to him. baby steps. good luck on the date with the charmer. i'll be reading along and rooting for you.

Jennifer said...

Ladyred, I loved the email. It was very sweet, very sensitive, with a nice balance of seriousness and lightheartedness. Good luck to you! I find myself in a similar situation of having identified as lesbian for the past 12 years but finding myself unavoidable attracted to many "genders" these days. Thanks for being out here!