Friday, January 19, 2007

Dirty Little Secrets (This Friday List is Not Worksafe)

Well. Now we're talking aren't we? (Don't know what I mean? Obviously you haven't read the comments thread for the last post.)

Inspired by your collective skillz & desire to talk about 'em, as well as my performance anxiety about tonight's rendezvous, today's Friday List asks the question: what's your best move?

Specifically, what's your favorite technique for sex or seduction? This could be a technique you enjoy doing or receiving. It could be completely physically technical (I put my finger in X place and do Y with it in a Z manner) or it could be social or emotional. Basically, it just has to be goooooooooooooooooooood...

(Bonus challenge: give me something I can try out tonight and I promise to report back in detail about how it worked with The Charmer.)

As is only fair, I'll go first:

Some of you may know that one of the effect of testosterone on the nominally "female" body is that the clit becomes enlarged. Many FTMs and their lovers call this the "trannycock." My ex's grew to be about the size and thickness of the top of my index finger (above the highest knuckle). Maybe a little longer and a smidge less thick. (There used to be a very helpful website showing pictures of trannycock but I can't find it anymore, sorry. You'll just have to imagine.) The best thing I've done in bed possibly ever is to stop stroking & swirling it and instead take it firmly between my thumb & forefinger and stroke it like the shaft we both imagined it to be. Not particularly tricky, but let me tell you, it WORKED. The perfect storm of physical and emotional gratification. My fingers are tingling just thinking about it. Plus, I love anything you can do and kiss the person at the same time.

Er, hold on a second, I need to take care of something...

OK. I'm back. Your turn.


Anonymous said...


Roy said...

The ears... yeah. I like it when a woman lightly nibbles on my ear, or licks it a little bit.

Let me think.

Well, as far as my own technique?

Surprisingly enough, it's a hand thing. The "trick" (and I hesitate to call it this, really) that seems to work most consistantly is like this: if I'm sort of lying next to the woman, reaching down so that the palm of my hand is sort of cupped across her abdonmen, I curl my finger so that it's up and almost inside, sort of like (and this is the nerdiest sex reference ever) I'm making the Spider-Man hand gesture. I usually make a kind of rotational movement with my hand/fingers, and once things seem to be sort of, well... lubricated, there's usually a spot that's... eh... different?
This is hard to explain, but- and maybe this isn't the same for every woman, I have no idea- but on the women that I've been with, the "good spot" isn't in the same spot every time. Hell, sometimes it moves mid-sex. But, most of the time, I can sort of feel where the spot is. It feels... more tense? I don't know. It feels different, though. Plus, when you find it, it's usually pretty obvious by the owman's reaction. "Oh! Right there!" is usually a good sign.
Anyway, usually, there's a spot inside, kind of in the front. Once I find the spot, I can sort of caress it, and use my thumb to stimulate outside, and that seems to work really well.

And that's probably really hard to understand. Meh.

ladyred said...

Roy! My ex did something very similar to that and gave me my very first vaginal orgasm! Well, and the thousands that came after that. Blew my freakin' mind. Even better news, now it seems I can have vaginal orgasms so much more easily than before he unleashed that particular response -- even just with PIV intercourse.

Though the Spider-Man reference gives it new levels of meaning. Love that.

As for earlicking, I'm afraid I'm too ticklish. I much, much prefer to be kissed or nibbled (even bitten sometimes) on my neck.

Roy said...

And, since I'm bored, and at work (despite the "not worksafe" notice), I'll share my favorite for the opposite sex.

I'm a huge fan of women who are really direct and forward about their intentions. The best "seduction" I've ever had... I was visiting a woman that I was *really* interested in, but I wasn't completely sure how she was feeling about it. Well, after a day and a half of trying to flirt, we're sitting on the floor watching a movie, and our lets are kind of touching, and she turns to me and says "Look, I can't take this anymore. This is really stupid, and I'm no good at... at... this. Look, I think you're a really cool guy, and I think you're really attractive, and I'm really interested in you."
Me: "Oh. Well. I mean, I feel the same way."
Her: "Okay. Good."
Me: "Um. What now?"
At which point she pushed me over, climbed on top of me and we started making out.
Hands down.

Roy said...

Holy crap. How in gods names did I butcher "abdomen"?

ladyred: Yeah, I don't know what it is about that method. It seems really natural to me- that was something I just sort of figured out, but it worked really well. I sort of assumed that was how everyone did it, until I had several women make it clear that, whatever I was doing, it wasn't what was usually done to them. The reaction it gets, especially the first few times, is all kinds of awesome. Honestly, it seems so natural to me, that I sort of wonder what other men are doing.

The only time I've ever witnessed female ejaculation was because of that, actually. Which was all kinds of neat. Also, kind of messy.

The neck and ears about equal for me. I'm apprehensive about the neck, though, because of... well... the hickie threat is too much for me. Turtlenecks just don't seem that fashionable for men these days.

Okay, I suppose there's got to be some work I can get done around here.

ruby said...

oh, roy. and you're single? i know so many women you should meet. do you live remotely near either san francisco or boston?

ok, back to the topic at, um, hand.

but before i get to my best move (and do i really have to pick just one?), first i want to start with something that someone did to me recently that was shockingly effective. sounds kinda similar to roy's technique, except that while he was finding my spot with his finger he was also rubbing his palm over my clit. i don't usual come from hands, but...yow. twice.

so. i'm going to consider giving head my best move overall (i'm going to brag a bit and share that several partners have said that they've never had better, and recently someone even called it "sorcery"), and share some of the individual elements that i think have been most important to my fellatio success.

the first two are not actually moves, and are pretty standard for any sexual activity: 1) enthusiasm: feel it, show it. (i'm sure it's no coincidence as far as being good at it that giving a guy head is one of my favorite things to do...) remember, it's not just his cock getting stimulated by your mouth; your mouth is also an erogenous zone. 2) pay attention to your partner's response and act accordingly. on to more specifics: 3) your hands should always be busy, whether stroking balls or thighs, exploring the ass (make sure to ask first!), or following the action of your mouth so that his whole cock is being touched by *something* most of the time. (also, you can use just your hands when your mouth needs a little break.) relatedly, 4) don't neglect the balls: licking, stroking, etc. some guys like sucking but some are too sensitive. 5) at first, vary your action. like, lick with just your tongue, then envelop the cock in your whole mouth. go back to licking, try some face-rubbing, etc. later you will develop your rhythm for more sustained stimulation. which leads me to 6) if you can, learn to open up your throat. it helps to be taught this technique by a guy with a moderate-sized penis (my instructor--during some power play and after a discussion about me wanting to learn and him telling me how he was going to teach me, just to be clear on the fact that i was totally expecting and wanting it--held my head all the way down on his cock and said "breathe"). a little gagging can be totally sexy as long as *you* are still enjoying yourself.

that's the short version.

Jennifer said...

OK, something fabulous that my ex did to me was best described as labia massages. It's a wonderful warming up / loosening up exercise. I would like on my back, spread open, very comfortable. She would stroak and carress my thighs to tease me and get me worked up. Then, she used her thumbs to massage my outer lips, stroking slightly up and out, spreading me open, digging in deeper and deeper. I found that I liked a pretty deep digging motion, there were muscles under there that felt REALLY good to be massaged and it got me sooooo turned on that by the time neither of us could take the indirectness of it any more I was VERY open, VERY wet, and VERY ready for that Spider-Man move and assorted penetrative acts.

Jennifer said...

Oh and, I'm not a transexual but my ex says that my clit is bigger than most and I absolutely love the grasp and stroak motion. I used to ask her to "pull on it like a nipple" and it was out of this world divine!

Anonymous said...

I have a blog that I can't really do the linking back to from a post like this (it's a professional blog that old ladies read), so I'm anonymous today.

Ruby's comment on enthusiasm is certainly true... never neglect the enthusiasm.

As for techniques, being the complete geek I am, I read some articles at about fellatio (my partner is male) ( And I tried out some things they suggested and found they worked really well! There is a particular spot that is about 2 inches down the shaft of his penis from the tip on the underside, that if I make my tongue hard and pointy and rub across that spot while holding his penis lightly in my mouth makes him VERY happy :) You can experiment and find it by rubbing your tongue around along the whole length from tip to base. He should let you know when you find that sweet spot.

Also, if you're into hands and not so into mouth (I was scared at first of choking to death if thrust at, so I feel your pain if so), then in my experience, mostly keep your fingers on the underside of his penis, making a sort of washboard ridged area for that most sensitive part and angle his penis toward his stomach. It seems to feel better than just straight up and down movement.

Good luck!

jennifer said...

Ok, and lest you all think I'm a "do-me queen" I used to drive the gf wild with a thumb move of my own. She would be on her hands and knees and I would lube her ass a bit then put my thumbs on her perineum, tip to tip, and then slide them away from each other at the same time. Then I would come back to the starting point and do it again (and again and again and again). This stimulated her whole area from the middle (the perineum) to just above her asshole and just above her clit at the same time. So I was dipping slightly into each hole but then right back out on my journey back and forth. She loved it!

Jennifer said...

And thank you all for the bj tips, like Ladyred, I'm playing with teh penis again for the first time as an adult and I'm very anxious about my performance in that area. But hey, I'm definitely enthusiastic and I'm picking up some good ideas here, there, and everywhere. Now I just need more practice!!

Roy said...

Sadly, Ruby, I live nowhere near Boston or San Fran, but if you know anyone in the Ann Arbor/Detroit area, let me know. ;P

It sounds like our biggest tips are really enthusiasm and communication. Hooray for both of those!

You know what I love (on a completely unrelated note because I've maybe had a bit to drink and I'm feeling like I may as well share since I've already told you about the Spider-Man move)?

I love it when I meet someone, hit it off really well, and then find out, "Oh, you live six hours away. That's awesome." *sigh*

Oh! Or, even better! This happened to me recently- tell me if this seems weird to you, because it seemed weird to me. But, maybe I'm the weird one here?

So, there's a store I shop at on a pretty regular basis (for the record, it was a comic shop). I'd go in and pick up books every now and then. I didn't go in for a few months because I was busy and there wasn't anything I was looking for. I finally went back in, and the extremely cute red-head who works there noticed, and said "Oh, hey, I haven't seen you in a long time. How have you been?" This is odd, because the only real interaction we'd had up until that point was me buying stuff, and commenting once or twice on shirts each other were wearing.
Nothing big. We don't even know each other's names at this point.

So, we start talking, and she rings in my books, but doesn't tell me my total right away, because we're talking. Long story short, we end up talking for about an hour and she cancels out my sale and rings other people up to get them out before I finally say "Hey, this has been fun, but I really have to go," and she finally completes my sale. We had a lot of common interests, and there was talk about movies that I own that she really wanted to see, and music, and books, and it kind of seemed like we were flirting.

So, I go in maybe a week later, and she sees me again, and she comes over and starts talking to me again, and we end up chatting for about an hour and a half. Same situation, we're talking and talking about books and movies, and about school and work, etc. When I leave, I notice that the store closes at 9:00.
It's 9:45.
She kept the store open 45 minutes past close to talk to me.
Now, doesn't that seem... I don't know... unusual? I mean, am I crazy, or doesn't that seem like there's some interest or something?

So, the next time I go in, I'm feeling pretty hot. I'm usually really kind of shy/insecure about dating and interests. I mean, even when I drove to NY to see a girl, and had several of her friends telling me "Look, she really wants you to put moves on her when you get there. She's got a big thing for you" I was nervous and unsure. But, this time? I'm feeling like a million bucks. This is seriously the only time in my life I felt like my asking a girl out was a sure thing. And I never hit on people while they're at work. Ever.

So, I go in, and she strikes up a conversation, and we talk for a pretty long time. I make my purchase, and when I leave I say "Hey, listen, I've really been enjoying talking to you lately, and I was thinking maybe you'd like to continue our conversation over coffee sometime?"

Then there's the awkward pause, and she kind stammers a second, and says "Um. Well... see... I have a boyfriend. I mean, we can hang out and talk here at the store, but... you know..."

Which is fine. Seriously, that's okay.

But... I mean... Isn't that... strange? A girl practically has to hit me with a brick to make me realize she's interested, but I thought for sure that this girl was interested. The boyfriend thing caught me so completely off guard that I just didn't know what to say. I mean, not once in the hours of conversation we were having about a variety of subjects did she ever mention him. And it's not like I think you have to advertise your status every time you meet someone new, but I felt like it was obvious that we were flirting, and I would have thought that she'd have brought him up at some point when, say, she held the store open 45 minutes late to talk to me about the movies that we both love, or that she wanted to see.

So, basically, am I crazy? Is that weird on my part, do you think?

Sorry. That was really long.

ladyred said...

Aw, Roy. You're not crazy at all. It sounds like she's confused and maybe selfish -- she's obviously really into you, and wanted to enjoy that as much as she could without crossing an official line re: her boyfriend. She should have found a way to mention him earlier in one of your conversations.

Do you want me to come beat her up a little bit?

ruby said...

roy, that cute red-headed comic-store girl is *definitely* acting strangely. your initial read on the situation (that she was into you and someone should pursue something) sounds right on to me. i would also have been shocked at that late revelation of the BF. continue to trust your instincts in the face of that.

in other news, i am sorry to hear that you live in a place where i basically don't know anyone. because so far you seem like quite a catch. however, i do know someone who will be in detroit this summer for the allied media conference (which, for those who don't know about it, is excellent for any and all progressive media types []). actually, ok, i know a ton of people who will be going, but i specifically know this one person i think you would hit it off with. i realize this is kinda weird, but you should e-mail me at ruby.wex at gmail so i can put the two if you in touch. if you want.

Anonymous said...

That "good spot" is befittingly the G-spot, and it's fantastic! It has never failed to amaze my partners.